"I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh"

I just turned 17 on Wednesday and I was thinking about something. Almost every year for as long as I remember, someone has asked me on my birthday if I feel any different. Every year my answer was the same. I felt exactly the same as I did the year before. It felt almost like I never got any older. This is probably the first year nobody asked me. And this year, things were different.

I don't really know if I can put it into words, but I'm going to try. This year has just been so amazing! God has made some huge changes in me and I feel like a totally different person than I was last year. Addison Road has a song called What Do I Know of Holy. The second verse says,

I guess I thought that I had figured you out.
I knew all the stories, and I'd learned to talk about
How you were mighty to save.
But those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be.
The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees.

That is the best summer of my life up to this year when things started changing. Growing up in a Christian home I was well versed in how to talk spiritually. I could debate theology until I was blue in the face. But when it really came down to it, it meant nothing to me. I believed all of it. But I guess I never made that belief personal. I knew how to appear holy enough to belong in church and I was considered one of the good kids. But church was honestly nothing more than a ritual. And the saddest part was, I was so blind. I had absolutely no idea there was anything more. People talked about a relationship with God. I thought I had one. But it wasn't that great. I talked to Him when I thought about it but He never seemed to talk back. There was no intimacy. But I didn't know things could be different.

I see now how off my focus was. I tried to have it all together. I tried to live right so that even if I wasn't perfect I was better than most people. I knew God didn't ask me to be perfect. But I still wanted to be as good as possible. I tried to know my bible inside and out so that Sunday School teachers always knew that there would be one hand raised among the blank stares. I did everything I could to fit the stereotype for Christians. I... I... I... yikes! I feel stupid just thinking about how stupid I was. =P But looking back I can also see glimpses of hope. Places where God was working to soften my heart. To prepare me for this year; to prepare me for the last five months.

I think January is when he started some major reconstruction of my heart(Ezekiel 36:26). I was at a somewhat intense retreat. There were only 11 people there. We fasted and spent some serious one on one time with God and it was the first time I really hear God speak to me. What He said was so simple, but it was so amazing.

"I love you!"

Most of you are probably thinking, "Duh! Why is that so significant? Didn't you already know that?" Yes, I knew that God so loved the world that He gave His only son. But that's so impersonal. I've always struggled with major insecurities. I've always believed myself to be insignificant. In fact, if asked to describe myself in two words I'd definitely have said 'ugly' and 'worthless'. So I knew God loved the world. I even sort of thought He might love me as an individual. But at the pinnacle of my insecurities, sitting in a room alone, listening to Unbreakable by Fireflight, I heard Him speak three simple words that brought tears to my eyes and wings to my soul.

That was the beginning. The beginning of me knowing the reality of God's love. The beginning of learning to appreciate who God made me to be. And the beginning of an intimate relationship with my Maker. Whatever my past relationship with Him, it was not intimate.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good" -Psalm 34:8

After tasting his goodness, I honestly don't know how I survived life before. Intimacy with God is so... well, there is no word for it. Over the past five months He has taken me on a journey to show me the different levels of intimacy that are possible. That day in January, I knew Him as my Creator. Then He showed me what it meant to be a friend of God. No friend on earth can compare. He is indeed my best friend. I no longer say that because it's the churchy thing to say. He truly is my best friend!

Later he revealed himself to me as Father, Abba, Daddy. The daddy whose lap I can always crawl into just to feel His strong arms around me. Or to cry on His shoulder. I can always go to Him with my concerns, sorrows, and joys because even though he owns the cattle on a thousand hills, he's no workaholic. He ALWAYS has time for his little girl.

The last way he has revealed Himself to me is probably the one I'd least expected. I had never understood the analogy of the church being the bride of Christ. It was one of those things I accepted because I grew up hearing it but it never made sense. But WOW! God has revealed himself to me as my lover. I know, it sounds almost wrong to write that. But this is really important. See, for so long, I've looked to guys to give me a sense of worth. I longed for male attention. I craved love. I was never really content though. I wasn't satisfied by the male attention I got because satisfaction comes from Christ alone.

I had made the decision when I was 12ish to not date until I graduated high school. Technically it was a family rule anyway, but I made the choice myself as well. But I hated being single. I felt so alone. I wanted to know that someone loved me and I was pretty sure I would at least feel like someone did if I had a boyfriend. But, being the good little church girl that I was, dating was not for me.

But as God showed me who He is as the bridegroom, the lover, the romancer, things changed. I've stopped longing to be lobed because I know I already am loved. I no longer feel alone because I feel His presence so strongly in my life. For the first time in years I am totally content in singleness. I am satisfied in His love. His love is all I need. It is utterly intoxicating.

So for the first time in my life I have had a birthday and have felt entirely different from how I felt on any previous birthdays. I feel the intensity of God's love. I can now see myself through His eyes. And as I grow to know Him more in an intimate personal way, I grow to know myself as He created me to be.

"I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace"
What I've Overcome ~Fireflight

Yesterday I went to the most amazing wedding of some friends of mine and was inspired to write this. Enjoy!


In white silk she glides in slow
Every eye upon her
Her slender form moves gracefully
Causing each heart to stir
It's not the dress, though glorious indeed
That fills each one with wonder
'Tis the radiance of her face aglow
A spell she must be under

His name is strength and manly honor
But most of all 'tis love
There, up front he waits for her
Thanking his father above
He reflects her brilliant glow
As transfixed their eyes meet
He can't contain the growing joy
Barely keeping his feet

Beside him, noble friend supports
This momentous choice
He sees the love, God's hand at work
Some day it will be his voice
That proclaims the vows and says, "I do"
to the woman of his dreams
But now he waits for God's own time
As hard as it seems

Across from him a maiden fair
Wipes away a tear
Her beloved friend and sister
Takes a new name here
A shoulder to cry on, a listening ear
Always has she been
A gift of love, to be cherished and dear
From the One unseen

The mothers too begin to weep
Their children grown now leave
Hearts swell with a motherly pride
Most would not believe
Tears of mingled sad and joy
Trying to let go
Reminded of God and his promise
A hope for tomorrow

Is totally a senior!

Soooo.... today I finished the last assignment for school for this year. Which means.... I'M OFFICIALLY A SENIOR!!!! Oh yeah!!! Very excited about that! I'm so thankful that God gave me the strength to get through another year. A few times I didn't know if I really would make it. But God enabled me! =)

Summer plans are as follows: Work and save money for college, hang out with people from youth group, work and save money for college, sleep, work and save money for college, read some good books, work and save money for college, go on missions trip to Philadelphia with youth group, work and save money for college, and sneak in a few hours of school each week(hopefully) so I can get ahead for next year. Yeah, it'll be great. =P

And pretty much... yes this is a pointless post. But I'm so excited about being a senior I just wanted to scream it to the world. I'm done.

Frogs and Princes Part 1: Worthy of a Princess

When you become God's child, he becomes your daddy. God is the king of the universe. If your daddy is the king of kings, that makes you a princess. When a princess is ready to get married, she doesn't go to the dirtiest slums to find her husband. Her father who loves her dearly wouldn't allow it. In fact, he's decreed that she must only marry royalty. Why? Because she deserves nothing less!

As the daughter of the king of kings you deserve nothing less than a prince. When you settle for the slums, you're cheating yourself and distressing your daddy who loves you so much. But how do you know if a guy is a frog from the slums or a prince from the castle?

Obviously, this can be tricky because some of the slimiest frogs can appear to the be most charming princes. So don't just go for the first guy that comes your way. Seriously, if you're single, you WONT DIE! I know, hard to believe... but trust me, it's true.

I wont claim to have tons of experience with picking out good guys or anything. But here are a few characteristics of the Prince you should be waiting for.

A Prince worthy of a princess like you will respect you AND (this one might be a shocker) your future husband. Since he doesn't know if he's the one for you yet, he will be careful that every thing he does will honor you, God, and your future husband. He'll act like a protective big brother, trying to guard your heart from anything and anyone that might harm it (including himself). He'll seek to use your relationship to grow both of you closer to God. God will be WAY MORE important to him than you. He'll have a no compromise view of every aspect of life. And he'll encourage you to seek other people to keep you accountable. He'll help you learn to see yourself through God's eyes.

And if you are unsure about a guy, don't just ride on emotions. See counsel from a Godly woman with more experience. If there's one thing older women are great at, it's sniffing out the frogs.

I think the biggest key though is realizing how much you deserve in a guy not being willing to setting for anything lower. As the daughter of THE KING, wait for a prince worthy of your dad's daughter. One that will make your heavenly father proud to give you away.

Frogs and Princes Part 1: Stop Kissing Frogs

Growing up, we all knew the stories.
- A young orphan dancing in disguise until midnight. Then running into the night afraid of discovery, leaving behind no calling card except a delicate glass slipper.
- A beauty finds herself in a bewitched castle mastered by a hideous beast whom she vows to loath. But the gentle kindness that lurks under his skin shows through and she finds herself loving him despite his grotesque features. And he is transformed to appear outwardly as he is underneath.
- A princess lives a secluded life in the Forrest until her 16th birthday when she goes home to the castle. There she falls into an enchanted sleep at the prick of a poisoned needle.

What do all of these beloved stories have in common? A young girl, apparently of little consequence, strives to light up her world with her inward beauty and is saved from her not-so-great life by a prince.
But have you ever stopped to think about the fact that in our lovely collection of fairy tales there is one that doesn't belong?

A princess stumbles upon a frog; discovers that this frog has the abnormal ability to speak. He is in fact a prince under a spell, waiting for a kiss to break him free.

Wait a second... uhm what happened to the prince saving the damsel in distress? Why have we started kissing frogs? Girls, I suggest you stop kissing frogs. It may be a cute story at first glance. But take a second look. I haven't seen the movie 'The Princess and the Frog' but in an advertisement for it, after the frog asks with puppy dog eyes for a kiss the princess asks nervously, "Just one kiss?" With a not-so-innocent smile he replies, "Unless you beg for more!"

Doesn't this sound just like the 'frogs' you know? They ask for 'innocent' demonstrations of love but each one asks you to compromise a little more than the last. They make it sound so simple but what they ask for today - that small little favor- if you give in, they will tomorrow expect more.

Come on girls! Stop kissing frogs! Think about it... when you kiss them, do they really transform into the handsome prince they claim they are underneath? Or do you, the princess become a frog like them?

"But, I really think I can change him"
"But I really like him"
"But no one else wants me!"

Please, do yourself a favor and DON'T SETTLE FOR A BUT!

The frogs will come and go. They'll use you and leave you. So please, stop kissing frogs!