Monday, April 20, 2009

Different

As I watch my little brother grow up, my heart is filled with agony. John is different from most kids. Having Down's Syndrome, he learns much slower. Concepts that to us seem extremely easy to understand, are far to difficult for him to grasp. On top of being slow, he looks different. You can tell by looking at him that he has some type of mental handicap. And this affects how people view him. Kids look at him and immediately shy away. And this is where the agony began for me. Watching him in settings where a somewhat large group of kids are thrown together to play is heart breaking. Why? Because none of the kids want to play with him. They exclude him from their games and even do their best to make sure he doesn't play with their toys whether they're using them or not. He used to not notice. But as he's grown older, he has grown aware of this and accepted the lack of acceptance. Now, when placed in a group of kids, he doesn't even try to break past the barrier that faces him. He finds something of interest, (usually a car of some sort) and goes off by himself and plays. He has accepted rejection.

I as the big sister just want to first go and slap all those kids that reject him and shake some sense into them, and then, when I'm done dealing out wrath, take John up in my arms and tell him how much I love him. So, as I was thinking about his today, my brain did its natural thing when I'm upset about something. It started writing poetry. =P This poem is in honor of John and all the people in the world that are rejected for being different.



Different

God, I know I'm different,
But I do not understand.
Why when other kids could run,
I could not even stand.

God, I know I'm different,
But why must they all stare?
All these judging looks,
Are painful and unfair.

God, I know I'm different,
'Cause you made me this way.
Did you make me a retard,
Like all those people say?

God, I know I'm different,
And I know I have your love.
But why don't others like me?
Why must they push and shove?

God, I know I'm different,
And I'd really like some friends.
But no one wants to play with me.
No accepting hand extends.

God, I know I'm different,
And my heart is nearly broke.
All I want is love,
But they just laugh and poke.

God, I know I'm different,
But why can they not see?
It was not just for them,
that you died upon a tree.

God, I know I'm different,
And I'll try to be content.
But why can't I be normal,
So no one will comment?

God, I know I'm different,
And Down's isn't bad.
But couldn't I be normal?
If I'd fit in I would be glad.

God, I know I'm different,
And I will now be still.
You made me who I am,
And you think I fit the bill.

God you made me different.
Unique in every way.
You think that I am beautiful,
So just this way I'll stay.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dead or Alive: Why the Contrast?

Last night I went to my first concert; I went to see Skillet and Disciple. It was a ton of fun but I was struck by a couple things there.

Kevin Young, the lead singer for Disciple said, "I could just pray all night! Does that not rock?"
After the screaming and clapping had died down a bit he said, "But you guys came for music. So I'll shut up and play you some more."
I know it shouldn't surprise me really, but the screaming/cheering and clapping were twice as loud as it was when he said he could pray all night.
I mean, talk about putting on a show. All I could think was, "Yeah, sure you could pray all night. I'd love to see you try." The fact that he had to ask, "Does that not rock" was a sure sign that he would NEVER actually pray all night. He'd only talk about doing it to put on a holy appearance. And it worked. The audience fell for it... well, most of it anyway.

Near the beginning of the concert the audience was asked, "Who here loves Jesus?" When the screaming wasn't quite 'satisfactory' the question was asked again in a "I want you to be louder" way. One the third asking the place was just crazy loud with all the shouting and screaming. Okay great, so everyone there at least claims to love Jesus. But what does that mean to them? During the entire concert, I couldn't help looking around at everything (being my first concert I was a little curious). I got a little irritated at some points when I looked around. Several of those same people that had yelled their lungs out saying they love Jesus at the beginning were now headbanging. I mean, my brain hurt just watching them. And maybe I'm a little extreme, but somehow I just don't see how that is a sing of loving Jesus. Everyone knows that headbanging is NOT good for your brain. It does serious damage if done long and hard enough. And as Christians, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We are supposed to take care of our bodies, and that includes taking care of our brains.

Why can't Christians be different from non-Christians? It made me a tad uncomfortable. When everyone was told to get their cell phones out it was just plain... well, what on earth is the point? A guy a couple seats away got out his lighter and started waving it for a little while. And it was just weird.

WHY DO GUYS WHERE SKINNY JEANS?!?!?! They are so gross! I'm sorry, but there is only one way to describe how they look.... GAY! Sorry, but that is how they look. And if you claim to be a Christian, I don't see why you feel the need to dress like you're gay. I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover. But I just think God has called his Children to something more. Christian bands shouldn't need to dress like secular bands in order to be cool enough for Christians.

Okay, so my couple of things that struck me has turned into a few more than a couple. Sorry! I only have one more.

As I looked around at everyone at the concert I had a thought that just wouldn't go away. Everyone was way into the music. Jumping around, clapping, hands raised, some singing along, one word came to mind: Alive. Then suddenly the picture of a church service entered my mind; the pastor standing in the pulpit preaching. The 'alive' fans replaced by the bored church goers doing their utmost to not fall asleep. Some no longer fighting the drowsiness that overwhelms them, their eyelids slowly close and their heads slump back. A new word invaded my mind and erased everything else: Dead. What a contrast these to scenes are. In the church, there is a deadness, a disinterest. But enter a concert and you find yourself in the midst of electrified aliveness. Why such a contrast? Why do churches lack this enthusiasm?

The answer is very sad. And it can be summed up in two words: surface faith. Christianity is a surface thing. The majority of Christians wear their faith as a badge or a title. But they still cling to the things of the world. The things that capture their interest are worldly. Being Christian, they must uphold their title by doing Christian things such as listening to Christian music. But they really want secular music. It fascinates them and is like a magnet, for their week faith is not enough of a negative current to repel them. But they can't allow themselves to be drawn to secular things so what do they do? They must secularize Christian music. This satisfies their longing for the world but still allows them to wear the badge of Christianity.

But go to church? Church lacks the 'excitements' they hold dear. Their surface faith find no enjoyment in digging deep and discovering the wonders of God's Word. They are nothing more than babes, able to take nothing thicker than milk. They find this milk in the lyrics of christian music, but a church service (a good one anyway) fills their plate with meat that they are unable to digest. It is unable to keep their attention so they drift to sleep. They become 'dead', losing the 'aliveness' they have while at a rock concert.

Now I realize this all probably sounds a little ridiculous. You're probably thinking, "You don't know how to enjoy yourself properly at a concert if this kind of thinking is the result." or, "You just need to go to more concerts. You're still new at it and you need to get used to them." or more likely, "You're insane! How can you judge people so strongly? You need to loosen up and not be so legalistic."

So I just want to clarify. I DO enjoy listening to Christian music. The same music I just called spiritual milk. I am not saying it's a bad thing. Most of it is great and has some really good profound lyrics. What I am saying is that I feel that Christians need to rethink where they spend their energies. A church service should be filled with people just as alive as a concert. Not jumping around screaming. But alive. If we give so much attention to singers and their music, why can't we give at least that much attention and more to the preaching of God's word?

Monday, April 6, 2009

I don't really have a title

I'm slightly frustrated right now so I decided to take my mind off my frustrations and blog about some not frustrating stuff.

This past Saturday, we went to my sisters baby shower. =) I felt a little out of place there. I mean, I'm only 15 and everyone else there either was married and had a kid or was old enough that they could be married and easily have a kid. So yeah, I felt sorta like i didn't fit there. But I got to hold the most adorable little girl so I was happy! =)

I'm kinda broke so I couldn't get a gift for my sister so Esther and I made the cake for the shower as our gift and I now kinda wish we hadn't. I mean, it tasted okay I guess. But I'm not exactly an experienced cake decorator so it didn't look very nice at all. And my oldest sister came up from TX and did all the decorating for the party and she is an AMAZING decorator. I mean, everything was just gorgeous. And then there was the cake....

Oh well, if I overlook the embarrassment, then it was fun. I got to see my nephew. He is growing up way too fast and he's just as cute as can be. The poor guy though, he goes to see family and there are so many people he gets kinda overwhelmed. So he was very clingy to Sharon. The only time he really came very close to letting me even touch him was when I was asleep on the couch after the shower and he climbed up on top of me. It was a pleasant way to wake up. =) But then when i woke up I think I scared him again because he got down. =( I guess I'm a pretty scary person.

Over all, it was a good day. =D =D

But now I'm frustrated with some stuff and I'm trying to be responsible but sometimes being responsible is just.... HARD!!! Sometimes I just want to do the easy thing but I can't and yeah, I need to go read the Bible for awhile. I need some answers and that's the best place to look.