"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace"

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

¹² You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:8-12

This past Thursday, when the doctors said that my little sister had little chance of living, and that if she did live, there was little chance she'd live without brain damage, a lot of emotions raged within me. I was angry: angry at our family doctor who diagnosed an ear infection and sent her home instead of finding the real problem and taking care of it before it got so bad; angry with God for letting this happen; and angry with myself for not being a better big sister while I had the chance. I was scared: scared that I'd lose my little sister; scared that I'd never forgive God; scared that my mom wouldn't be able to cope. I was jealous of my friends who had healthy little sisters. I was thankful: thankful to God for having a purpose even though I couldn't see it; thankful for all the friends that did their best to comfort me through everything.

When I was feeling all that, I was crying my eyes out. When I stopped crying, I felt nothing. It was as if I was floating in an expanse of nothingness without a single thing/person to comfort me. At times I felt almost unsure I was even alive. I felt nothing but emptiness. Then I'd begin to feel again and the tears would come back. Basically, I was a total wreck.

Those verses from Isaiah were perfect for me. A friend gave them to me and said she'd found them and thought they might help. It's amazing how God shows things to others and directs them to show them to you. He truly is an amazing God. He has a purpose in all that he does, though we may not see, it is perfect

Monday my older sister dressed Beka up, did her nails etc, and she looked so pretty! It was hard to believe how bad she'd looked just a few days before. The sparkle was back in her beautiful large brown eyes, her smile was back to it's bright infectious self. She just looked so alive and so gorgeous!

Beka is home now and doing great. Yesterday she was running around with neighbor kids just like before. You'd never know by looking at her that anything had happened to her except a bruise on her right arm.

She's not the normal kids she looks like though. She will be taking insulin shots for the rest of her life. She has to put up with 4+ finger pricks a day to test her blood sugar. She must be very careful about what she eats, knowing exactly how many carbohydrates are in her food so she can counteract it with insulin. She can't snack whenever she wants unless she wants that means more insulin shots. But she is still a beautiful daughter of the God Most High. He sustained her life when the doctors had little hope to offer. And He will continue to sustain her until He is ready to bring her home to Himself. All is in His hands and on that we rest.

So she's not a normal little kids anymore. She is a girl with a story, a testimony of what the Great God we serve is capable of doing. I pray that I will never forget what He did this past week and that it will ever remind me of why I strive to live my life wholly and solely for Him.

Just an update on my life

It's been ages since I posted and for that I apologize. I've been extremely busy this week and just haven't had time for blogging. But now I'm grabbing a few minutes to attend to my blog because I longer I wait, the more likely it is to just die on me. =P

Most of you who read this know already about my sister Beka, but for those who don't, I'll fill you in. Last week my whole family got sick with really bad colds. Most of us got over them in just a couple days but Beky didn't. She got sick on Friday and when Tuesday she was still really sick, my mom took her to the doctor. He diagnosed an ear infection and sent my mom home with a prescription saying that he can't do anything else until she's been on the prescription for over 24 hours. Wednesday Beky was doing WAY worse but we did as the doctor said and waited. One thing you should know is that Beka had been losing a LOT of weight so along with the prescription the doctor said we really needed to fatten her up(which we were already doing anyway technically). He said to give her lots of shakes, and fast food hamburgers/fries, things that people watching their wait tend to stay away from.

So, we were getting really worried about her because she was getting really weak but she didn't want to eat. She just wasn't in the mood for food I guess. So we made her lots of fruit shakes and put protein powder in them. And we gave her a lot of ice cream. We tried to get her to eat a hamburger Wednesday for lunch but she took two mouse-size bites and then said she was done. Meanwhile, we getting more and more worried about her because she is looking worse and worse with every passing minute.

Thursday morning she was so weak she couldn't even sit up on her own. My mom got the earliest appointment she could with our doctor and took her in. At this point I was in tears I was so worried. And the tears didn't stop. When the call came from my mom saying that Beka had diabetes and her blood sugar was 450(should be between 80 and 100) and they were taking her to the emergency room, I totally freaked out. Then another call: they were life-lining her to Riley hospital in Indianapolis because they were unable to stabilize her here in town. Panic began welling up in me. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever see my 9 year old sister again. And the doctors here at Riley didn't help with those feelings either. They pretty much made it sound like she was dying. And I think she was. I believe it's only through all the prayers lifted up for her that she is still alive right now. But because of all those prayers, she was moved out of the ICU late yesterday morning and is now doing wonderfully.

This weekend already had a busy schedule though. I was in a piano competition last month and won for my division so I went on to state. This Saturday was the state competition. Fortunately, it was here in Indy so I was able to go see Beka right afterward, but I still didn't focus as well as maybe I could have. I hadn't seen her since Thursday morning so I was rather anxious about getting to the hospital. On top of that, Joel and I had an orchestra concert last night. The conductor was none too pleased when he found out we'd be unable to make it to the concert. He yelled at me, then he yelled at my mom, then he yelled at my dad. I understand his frustration. It is very difficult to replace people at the last minute, especially principle flute with several solos. But I wish he could be more understanding of the fact that family comes first. So I'm still sorta stressing out about that whole thing.

But I'm very happy that Beka is doing so well. She is so ready to go home. She keeps asking when we get to go home. (I think she is really bored here =P) But she is being very brave about everything. Right now we are all going through diabetic training so we can take care of her when we bring her home so the doctors/nurses are having us do everything we can. Yesterday I gave my first shot. =P I was totally nervous about it, way more nervous than Beky who was taking the shot. I looked at that needle, then I looked at her arm, and I wasn't sure if I could make myself push the needle through her skin. But, I did. And it actually wasn't that bad. Poor Beka though, she has to have a minimum of four insulin shots a day. I also checked her blood sugar before dinner yesterday. That was a lot easier. All I did was prick her finger and then test the blood with a tester thingie.(yes, I'm terribly technical)

To sum all this up, I've been extremely busy this past week... well, less than a week I guess, but if feels like all this has taken a lot longer than it has. Long days + tons of worry + hospitals + crowded rooms = lots of stress and some irritablness for my whole family. Please continue to pray for us that God's peace will surround us during these last couple days here in Indy. We're all very tired and we've been snapping at each other a lot about the silliest little things. So we just need an extra measure of stength right now. Thanks to all of you that have been praying and will continue to pray.

Happy Mother's Day!

For you, Mama!

Today is for you because you're a mom
What mom means I will now make clear
It means that you sacrifice many things
For the children that you hold dear

You could have gone out and gotten a job
The career that you truly desired
But instead you stayed home to raise us kids
Though often you get real tired

Though you're not paid a grand salary
Your work is of value untold
You cook, you clean, and you do laundry too
While our math equations unfold

I'm not perfect I do things I don't mean
say things like, "I hate you" and such
The truth is without you, I'd be nothing
From you I've learned so very much

I regret times I've made you feel worthless
Like the life you chose was for not
It's in times like that, I've not used my brain
I spewed anger without a thought

I'm so very sorry for all those times
You truly mean the world to me
You are so special because you're a mom
Another like you will never be

Book Review

Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

As the title indicates, Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion & Purity discusses the reality of sexual passions under the lens of Biblical purity. Since the beginning of time, men and women have had sexual passions. Never does Elisabeth Elliot state that such passions are wrong. She believes them to be God-given and therefore a good thing. Rather than attacking the passions themselves as many skeptic readers would expect, she addresses the result of these passions.

In our "do what feels good" society, the words passion and purity do not belong together. If your sexual passions are stirred up, no one expects you to consider purity. You are expected to satisfy the appetite of your passions. This is the norm, not only for non-Christians, but also for many believers. Even for Christians who strive to keep their virginity, there is a disconnect. They see the point at which virginity is lost to be the moment you have had sex. Up to that point, you are free to act on your sexual drives with no consequence.

With this perspective, the line that can be approached but not crossed, people quickly lose sight of the original idea of virginity (that being the saving of your body for you future spouse). Instead it almost becomes a game. People go as far as they possibly can, no longer saving themselves. It is all for self-gratification. What they call "making love" does not involve love of any kind, for we know from the Bible that love is not selfish.

Throughout the book, Elisabeth Elliot describes her relationship with Jim Elliot. Two college kids, striving to stay pure while the burning desire for each other grew. But they both received a command from God: Wait! It was not that they were too young to marry. They were in fact quite ready (at least in the eyes of the world). But God had bigger plans. Though He did not reveal these plans to either Jim or Elisabeth, He was weaving them slowly in their lives. Elisabeth Howard in confusion, struggled to wait on God's timing. She knew He was in control, that He knew what He was doing, but still the questions of doubt rose in her mind. Wanting so much to be Jim Elliot's wife, yet not having any idea as to whether that would ever happen, she was forced to rely solely and wholly on God's grace, love, and mercy to sustain her each day.

Was this waiting period hard? Yes. Was it cruel of God to command this wait? No, on the contrary, it was out of love that he made them wait. He used the short term agony to grow them in their faith. Drawing them closer to their common goal (serving God with their all) they were better equip to face the struggles that accompany marriage. God uses such situations in all of our lives to grow us and prepare us for the future.

Elisabeth Elliot stresses the importance of putting your future in God's hands. Waiting with total dependence on Him is the first step towards controlling your passions with purity. The book is a real life example of the inner struggles of someone wanting to give their all to God, yet fighting the desire to plan their own life. This example shows us that it is possible for all of us to rely on God, trusting Him with our lives. This book is very much worth reading.

Public Meeting Summary (Ben Rush)

I haven't actually posted any of the stuff I've done for Ben Rush in awhile so I thought I'd post the summary I wrote yesterday. Not one of the better things I've written but, meh, whatever.

Present at the meeting were State Representatives Clyde Kersey and Vern Tincher and State Senators John Waterman and Timothy Skinner. They were asked to discuss the proposed budget for the years 2009 and 2010 for the state of Indiana.

All four legislators communicated great frustration that the budget plan they saw as sufficient for the coming two years was not passed. First blaming the Republicans for not properly supporting their budget proposal, they quickly changed the direction of the fingers they pointed, giving full blame over to Governor Mitch Daniels.

They said with a touch of disdain that the Governor did not approve the 2% increase to public school funding and the 1% increase to public university funding that they saw as important. He would like to see money taken from schools and placed in a “rainy-day” fund.

In the midst of an economic crisis, Daniels' desire to take about $84 million out of education and place it in a “rainy-day” fund is a wise one. But the Representatives and Senators at the meeting adamantly apposed this. Stating that education is the future of this nation, they see fit to pour more money into Indiana’s schools. However, they do not stand behind their claim that education is the future. Senator Skinner made it clear that, as a teacher at a public high school, he was greatly against alternative forms of education such as homeschooling or attending a private school. If education is truly their focus, would they be so opposed to alternative forms?

Throughout the entirety of the meeting, everything ultimately was brought back to public education. When discussing their annoyance with Governor Daniels for wanting to pull funding from education, they voiced fears that such a fund cut would force schools to lay off teachers adding to the unemployment rate. It was suggested that the fund cut could affect things other than teacher salaries. For example, extra curricular activities like sports. The response indicated that this was, in their minds, an impossibility. Saying that the taxpayers desire their children in sports and cutting sports funding would cause an uprising.

It is clear from the meeting as a whole that the budget they desire to create is not truly in the best interest of the people of Indiana. It is instead based on the wants of these politicians.

Meeting State Legislature

Yesterday was SO awesome! Two state representatives and two state senators were at the main branch of our library in the morning so I got to hear them talk about the budget they had been working on that didn't end up getting passed. They were all democrats so I wasn't surprised that I disagreed with them about lots of stuff they said. But I find it far more interesting to listen to people who I disagree with talk because it forces me to really think.
Afterward I asked all of them if I could take a picture with them(for Ben Rush purposes) and got to talk to them in the process. Three of the four were definitely uncomfortable talking to me since I'm just a kid. They took no time at all getting away to talk to the other people there(all of whom where over the age of 50). But one of the senators had no problem at all talking to me. =)
It turns out he's a high school teacher so that kind of explains it. The interesting thing was, though he was the most open to talking to me, he was also the most loud spoken against homeschooling. =P
When I ask him if I could take a picture with him "for a school project" (I really didn't feel like taking the time to explain GenJ and Ben Rush to him so yeah...) he asked me what school I go to. The moment the word homeschooled escaped my lips he sorta gave me a funny look. Then he made it very clear that he does not in any way support homeschooling. He said that parents take their kids out of school and claim to homeschool them but don't do anything with them. This annoyed me so I couldn't keep quiet about it. I explained to him that it is true that there are people like that, but they are the minority and they give all homeschoolers a bad name. He sorta nodded and then said something about homeschooling being good if the parents are actually intelligent but mostly it's a bad thing. Since I didn't figure I could change his mind I just redirected the conversation over the some of the stuff that had been discussed about the budget plans for public schools and we talked about that for quite awhile. My goal was to prove to him that homeschoolers ARE getting a good education. And I succeeded. At the end of our conversation, he said that he could tell my parents were doing a good job because I was very intelligent! That truly made my day. I succeeded in at least for a moment giving someone with a bit of power a good impression of homeschoolers.

Then I went home and wrote a "Public Meeting Summary" for Ben Rush. I'm beginning to think there is actually a chance I can finish all the Ben Rush requirements and get myself some college scholarship. It'll mean a VERY busy summer, but it's totally worth it.