Gingers

A ginger man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the gingern handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The ginger produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the "dumb" ginger for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. Then the employee of the bank drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the ginger returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The ginger replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Oooh those gingers ... Smart cookies ;)

So Long, Until We Meet Again

In 12 days, I leave for Cedarville University. Though I'm rather nervous, my excitement far exceeds the butterflies in my stomach. I'm ready to go where God has lead me and make a difference for him in this next stage of my life - College. It's hard to say what I am about to face. I really don't know what God has in store for me during the next four years but I know I don't have to see the plan to be certain that there is one.

It occurs to me more each day how difficult the first weeks of school might be. I've spent the past week and a half hanging out with my dearest friend Audrey Kennel every day, most the day, and some days not letting the days end stop us, one of us will spend the night at the others house. It's like we've both been hit with this desperate realization that we are about to be separated from our best friend and wont see each other for quite awhile. It's a sad thought. I know life is about to change in many wonderful ways, but leaving behind good friends is one thing I'm having trouble being okay with. I'm gonna miss her. My thoughts feel jumbled at the moment so I'm sorry if you are reading this. I just felt the need to ramble. =P I am sad to say goodbye even if just momentarily to my dear friend.

Live the Cause!

At youth group on Sunday, my youth pastor began with an analogy of his son at dinner time. His son Carsten is a very picky eater. If he sees something on his plate he's never eaten before he will do anything to avoid eating it. So his parents will tell him he needs to try just ONE bite. Carsten promptly will take a bite of something else on his plate, take a sip of water, and then say in the cutest little voice, "All done!"
His dad isn't fooled of course and will ask, "Carsten, did you eat a bite of ____"
Again Carsten will go through the routine of eating everything but the one thing he's been told to eat and then proudly proclaim, "All done!" Again he is asked, "Did you eat one bite of ____"

Carsten is given one simple task; one thing he is told to do. Yet he busies himself with other things hoping that they will be enough. We Christians are just like Carsten. Before Jesus left this earth, he gave us one simple command, "Make disciples of all nations." When we get to heaven and God asks,

"Did you make disciples?"

what will you answer him? If I died last week, I have a feeling my only response I could give would have been,

"Not exactly, God. But see... I voltuneered as a Kids Hope mentor to change the life of an at risk 4th grade girl. And I was involved with different childrens' ministries at my church. Also I did my best to live a life that was different so my coworkers would know that I was not just a Christian by name."

I can picture the disappointment in God's eyes as he asks once again, "But Melody, did you make disciples? I only asked that one thing of you. Did you share you faith? Or did you expect the truth of the Gospel to simply jump at people from your actions alone?"


When my youth pastor made this whole analogy it really brought the point home to me. All that other stuff I'm doing is great. I have some really good ministries. But the call of the great commission - the call Christ placed on my life when I entered into a relationship with him was simple:

"make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."

Once we've made disciples, we are to teach them to make disciples ("everything I have commanded you").
My youth pastors point was that, yes we all know we are supposed to share our faith but we generally let fear stop us. But when we think of it in terms of it being our only mission on this earth, it's hard to pass by. How many of us want to fail our only mission?? He gave out copies of a short book called Firestarter by Greg Stier. I highly recommend that every Christian read this book. I am a very slow reader and I easily read it in a day(which was also packed with a very busy schedule). The book again emphasizes the importance of sharing your faith and it's truly emboldened me to begin doing just that.

So I've started small. In the book there is something called 'THE Cause Circle"




The idea here is that you write names of people in your influence circle in the middle of the circle. It can be friends, family, coworkers, classmates, or just about anybody that you see on a regular basis and have some form of influence over. You then pick three people who you are going to begin praying for every day. You write their names on the three lines above "Pray" and then you pray for them every day. Eventually, you begin bringing up your faith in conversation. At this point you cross them off the 'pray' list and move them to the 'Pursue list'. When you've done this, you pick another person from the middle circle and place them on your pray list. And don't forget that even when someone has moved on to "Pursue" you still continue to pray for them every day.




Before I even got a chance to put names in my Cause Circle I actually got a chance to talk to a coworker. We were talking about death and I asked what she thought happened to people after they died. She had "never really thought about it" so I asked if she'd ever thought about Heaven or Hell. She said she didn't "believe there was a heaven or hell" so that opened up the opportunity for me to explain briefly that I did believe there was and that the only way to go to heaven was by God forgiving us for our sins when we ask him to. Sadly I didn't get to go into a lot of detail but I didn't scare her away with what I did say so I'm excited for future opportunities I get to talk with her about it.

So yesterday I made my Cause Circle. I just started by putting Christina (my coworker) under Pursue since I'd already gotten a chance to talk to her. Then, later I was talking to another coworker named Sia(who was on my prayer list). I talk to her quite a lot and we were just talking about decisions we make stupid things some people do that make no sense. And I suddenly realized it was perfect opportunity to bring up an aspect of my faith. So I asked her what made her not make some of the bad choices her friends were making; what helped her decide right from wrong. She said it was probably the main people she hung out with and her parents and then asked me the same question. So I got to explain that it was my personal relationship with Jesus that made me honestly have no desire to get caught up in all the junk lots of people do. And that since I got into that relationship I have just found joy in life and not felt any need to mess around (harmfully) just to 'have fun'.

I'm so hyped right now because in a matter of two days I've become brave enough to bring up my faith with two different people and they haven't acted like I was some kind of freak. They still talk to me just the same as they did before so I know that I'll have more chances to go into more detail with them on what I believe. It's such an exciting thing knowing that you are planting seeds in someone's life. Especially when it's someone that you truly care about. =) So now Sia is in my "Pursue" section as well. So I need to move someone else to "Pray". I don't know who for sure. But I am so excited for what God is doing in my life and what he's going to do in the lives of these people.

To God be all the Glory!

"I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh"

I just turned 17 on Wednesday and I was thinking about something. Almost every year for as long as I remember, someone has asked me on my birthday if I feel any different. Every year my answer was the same. I felt exactly the same as I did the year before. It felt almost like I never got any older. This is probably the first year nobody asked me. And this year, things were different.

I don't really know if I can put it into words, but I'm going to try. This year has just been so amazing! God has made some huge changes in me and I feel like a totally different person than I was last year. Addison Road has a song called What Do I Know of Holy. The second verse says,

I guess I thought that I had figured you out.
I knew all the stories, and I'd learned to talk about
How you were mighty to save.
But those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be.
The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees.

That is the best summer of my life up to this year when things started changing. Growing up in a Christian home I was well versed in how to talk spiritually. I could debate theology until I was blue in the face. But when it really came down to it, it meant nothing to me. I believed all of it. But I guess I never made that belief personal. I knew how to appear holy enough to belong in church and I was considered one of the good kids. But church was honestly nothing more than a ritual. And the saddest part was, I was so blind. I had absolutely no idea there was anything more. People talked about a relationship with God. I thought I had one. But it wasn't that great. I talked to Him when I thought about it but He never seemed to talk back. There was no intimacy. But I didn't know things could be different.

I see now how off my focus was. I tried to have it all together. I tried to live right so that even if I wasn't perfect I was better than most people. I knew God didn't ask me to be perfect. But I still wanted to be as good as possible. I tried to know my bible inside and out so that Sunday School teachers always knew that there would be one hand raised among the blank stares. I did everything I could to fit the stereotype for Christians. I... I... I... yikes! I feel stupid just thinking about how stupid I was. =P But looking back I can also see glimpses of hope. Places where God was working to soften my heart. To prepare me for this year; to prepare me for the last five months.

I think January is when he started some major reconstruction of my heart(Ezekiel 36:26). I was at a somewhat intense retreat. There were only 11 people there. We fasted and spent some serious one on one time with God and it was the first time I really hear God speak to me. What He said was so simple, but it was so amazing.

"I love you!"

Most of you are probably thinking, "Duh! Why is that so significant? Didn't you already know that?" Yes, I knew that God so loved the world that He gave His only son. But that's so impersonal. I've always struggled with major insecurities. I've always believed myself to be insignificant. In fact, if asked to describe myself in two words I'd definitely have said 'ugly' and 'worthless'. So I knew God loved the world. I even sort of thought He might love me as an individual. But at the pinnacle of my insecurities, sitting in a room alone, listening to Unbreakable by Fireflight, I heard Him speak three simple words that brought tears to my eyes and wings to my soul.

That was the beginning. The beginning of me knowing the reality of God's love. The beginning of learning to appreciate who God made me to be. And the beginning of an intimate relationship with my Maker. Whatever my past relationship with Him, it was not intimate.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good" -Psalm 34:8

After tasting his goodness, I honestly don't know how I survived life before. Intimacy with God is so... well, there is no word for it. Over the past five months He has taken me on a journey to show me the different levels of intimacy that are possible. That day in January, I knew Him as my Creator. Then He showed me what it meant to be a friend of God. No friend on earth can compare. He is indeed my best friend. I no longer say that because it's the churchy thing to say. He truly is my best friend!

Later he revealed himself to me as Father, Abba, Daddy. The daddy whose lap I can always crawl into just to feel His strong arms around me. Or to cry on His shoulder. I can always go to Him with my concerns, sorrows, and joys because even though he owns the cattle on a thousand hills, he's no workaholic. He ALWAYS has time for his little girl.

The last way he has revealed Himself to me is probably the one I'd least expected. I had never understood the analogy of the church being the bride of Christ. It was one of those things I accepted because I grew up hearing it but it never made sense. But WOW! God has revealed himself to me as my lover. I know, it sounds almost wrong to write that. But this is really important. See, for so long, I've looked to guys to give me a sense of worth. I longed for male attention. I craved love. I was never really content though. I wasn't satisfied by the male attention I got because satisfaction comes from Christ alone.

I had made the decision when I was 12ish to not date until I graduated high school. Technically it was a family rule anyway, but I made the choice myself as well. But I hated being single. I felt so alone. I wanted to know that someone loved me and I was pretty sure I would at least feel like someone did if I had a boyfriend. But, being the good little church girl that I was, dating was not for me.

But as God showed me who He is as the bridegroom, the lover, the romancer, things changed. I've stopped longing to be lobed because I know I already am loved. I no longer feel alone because I feel His presence so strongly in my life. For the first time in years I am totally content in singleness. I am satisfied in His love. His love is all I need. It is utterly intoxicating.

So for the first time in my life I have had a birthday and have felt entirely different from how I felt on any previous birthdays. I feel the intensity of God's love. I can now see myself through His eyes. And as I grow to know Him more in an intimate personal way, I grow to know myself as He created me to be.

"I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I've found the meaning of grace"
What I've Overcome ~Fireflight

Yesterday I went to the most amazing wedding of some friends of mine and was inspired to write this. Enjoy!


In white silk she glides in slow
Every eye upon her
Her slender form moves gracefully
Causing each heart to stir
It's not the dress, though glorious indeed
That fills each one with wonder
'Tis the radiance of her face aglow
A spell she must be under

His name is strength and manly honor
But most of all 'tis love
There, up front he waits for her
Thanking his father above
He reflects her brilliant glow
As transfixed their eyes meet
He can't contain the growing joy
Barely keeping his feet

Beside him, noble friend supports
This momentous choice
He sees the love, God's hand at work
Some day it will be his voice
That proclaims the vows and says, "I do"
to the woman of his dreams
But now he waits for God's own time
As hard as it seems

Across from him a maiden fair
Wipes away a tear
Her beloved friend and sister
Takes a new name here
A shoulder to cry on, a listening ear
Always has she been
A gift of love, to be cherished and dear
From the One unseen

The mothers too begin to weep
Their children grown now leave
Hearts swell with a motherly pride
Most would not believe
Tears of mingled sad and joy
Trying to let go
Reminded of God and his promise
A hope for tomorrow

Is totally a senior!

Soooo.... today I finished the last assignment for school for this year. Which means.... I'M OFFICIALLY A SENIOR!!!! Oh yeah!!! Very excited about that! I'm so thankful that God gave me the strength to get through another year. A few times I didn't know if I really would make it. But God enabled me! =)

Summer plans are as follows: Work and save money for college, hang out with people from youth group, work and save money for college, sleep, work and save money for college, read some good books, work and save money for college, go on missions trip to Philadelphia with youth group, work and save money for college, and sneak in a few hours of school each week(hopefully) so I can get ahead for next year. Yeah, it'll be great. =P

And pretty much... yes this is a pointless post. But I'm so excited about being a senior I just wanted to scream it to the world. I'm done.

Frogs and Princes Part 1: Worthy of a Princess

When you become God's child, he becomes your daddy. God is the king of the universe. If your daddy is the king of kings, that makes you a princess. When a princess is ready to get married, she doesn't go to the dirtiest slums to find her husband. Her father who loves her dearly wouldn't allow it. In fact, he's decreed that she must only marry royalty. Why? Because she deserves nothing less!

As the daughter of the king of kings you deserve nothing less than a prince. When you settle for the slums, you're cheating yourself and distressing your daddy who loves you so much. But how do you know if a guy is a frog from the slums or a prince from the castle?

Obviously, this can be tricky because some of the slimiest frogs can appear to the be most charming princes. So don't just go for the first guy that comes your way. Seriously, if you're single, you WONT DIE! I know, hard to believe... but trust me, it's true.

I wont claim to have tons of experience with picking out good guys or anything. But here are a few characteristics of the Prince you should be waiting for.

A Prince worthy of a princess like you will respect you AND (this one might be a shocker) your future husband. Since he doesn't know if he's the one for you yet, he will be careful that every thing he does will honor you, God, and your future husband. He'll act like a protective big brother, trying to guard your heart from anything and anyone that might harm it (including himself). He'll seek to use your relationship to grow both of you closer to God. God will be WAY MORE important to him than you. He'll have a no compromise view of every aspect of life. And he'll encourage you to seek other people to keep you accountable. He'll help you learn to see yourself through God's eyes.

And if you are unsure about a guy, don't just ride on emotions. See counsel from a Godly woman with more experience. If there's one thing older women are great at, it's sniffing out the frogs.

I think the biggest key though is realizing how much you deserve in a guy not being willing to setting for anything lower. As the daughter of THE KING, wait for a prince worthy of your dad's daughter. One that will make your heavenly father proud to give you away.

Frogs and Princes Part 1: Stop Kissing Frogs

Growing up, we all knew the stories.
- A young orphan dancing in disguise until midnight. Then running into the night afraid of discovery, leaving behind no calling card except a delicate glass slipper.
- A beauty finds herself in a bewitched castle mastered by a hideous beast whom she vows to loath. But the gentle kindness that lurks under his skin shows through and she finds herself loving him despite his grotesque features. And he is transformed to appear outwardly as he is underneath.
- A princess lives a secluded life in the Forrest until her 16th birthday when she goes home to the castle. There she falls into an enchanted sleep at the prick of a poisoned needle.

What do all of these beloved stories have in common? A young girl, apparently of little consequence, strives to light up her world with her inward beauty and is saved from her not-so-great life by a prince.
But have you ever stopped to think about the fact that in our lovely collection of fairy tales there is one that doesn't belong?

A princess stumbles upon a frog; discovers that this frog has the abnormal ability to speak. He is in fact a prince under a spell, waiting for a kiss to break him free.

Wait a second... uhm what happened to the prince saving the damsel in distress? Why have we started kissing frogs? Girls, I suggest you stop kissing frogs. It may be a cute story at first glance. But take a second look. I haven't seen the movie 'The Princess and the Frog' but in an advertisement for it, after the frog asks with puppy dog eyes for a kiss the princess asks nervously, "Just one kiss?" With a not-so-innocent smile he replies, "Unless you beg for more!"

Doesn't this sound just like the 'frogs' you know? They ask for 'innocent' demonstrations of love but each one asks you to compromise a little more than the last. They make it sound so simple but what they ask for today - that small little favor- if you give in, they will tomorrow expect more.

Come on girls! Stop kissing frogs! Think about it... when you kiss them, do they really transform into the handsome prince they claim they are underneath? Or do you, the princess become a frog like them?

"But, I really think I can change him"
"But I really like him"
"But no one else wants me!"

Please, do yourself a favor and DON'T SETTLE FOR A BUT!

The frogs will come and go. They'll use you and leave you. So please, stop kissing frogs!

Benjamin Rush completion essay

First I want to thank everyone that helped me in any way with Benjamin Rush. I couldn't have done it without you and I'm very thankful for all the opportunities the program opened up for me. Thanks for all that you did. A completion essay was on of the requirements for the program so I thought I'd let you read it so you could see what I learned from the program. So here it is. =)

Being involved in GenJ is great because it reminds me that even kids can do great things. 1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.” By being involved in the Benjamin Rush program, I was really able to live out that verse. I am young, but I don’t have to sit by and apathetically watch America fall apart. I can’t vote, but I can encourage others to vote and teach them how to vote responsibly. I am young, but I can make a difference. I learned that simple truth through the Benjamin Rush Awards Program.

Ben Rush has different levels of involvement, but I believe all of them are important. Though the civics courses don’t require any more than a desire to learn, they are crucial. You cannot work to get America back to what it was meant to be until you know and understand what her founders intended for her to be. Studying America’s Founding Fathers showed me just how far America has fallen, but it also gave me hope of what this nation can become. The civics courses taught me that political activism is pointless if you have no goal for what your work will achieve.

If political activism were a ladder, writing letters would be the next rung. I’d never let anyone besides friends and family see anything I had written. So the idea of sending a letter to the editor, where there is a chance it will get published and “everyone” will see it, terrified me. But it was nothing compared to the fear I had of sending my ‘insignificant’ thoughts to someone important like my representatives. I learned that things are generally much worse in your imagination than they are in reality.

One part of being civically involved that I had never thought much about in the past is encouraging others toward similar involvement. As I talked to friends, trying to convince them to join GenJ, I was forced to stop and think about why I was doing what I was doing. This strengthened my success because what I did became motivated by convictions. Luke 16:10 says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much”. God gave me the courage to speak to my friends about GenJ and the importance of being civically involved. Then He did something big. On tax day, when TEA parties formed all over the country, I got the opportunity to speak at one with about 250 people in attendance. Public speaking was something I’d NEVER done before. But as always, God showed Himself to be faithful and gave me the strength to get through it, and 250 people heard about GenJ.

This 1^st time of public speaking lead to other opportunities to grow and each time God gave me the courage to do what I’d never done before. As is usual with God, it started small and expanded. Being elected the first president of the newest club in Indiana terrified me yet exhilarated me. Being the first time I’ve lead anything, it’s been a huge learning experience. I’ve learned a lot about leadership, diplomacy, and motivating apathetic people. All of this has only prepared me for greater things. It was through my club that I had the privilege of moderating a Health Care Forum and working toward community education. Each of these experiences laid the groundwork for my decision to run for office at GenJ’s summer camp where I learned more than I thought possible in one week about the workings of our government.

Those I meet in my everyday life are not the only ones who don’t know about GenJ. In meeting with representatives, I had the opportunity to represent GenJ as I shared my views on current political issues. If there is one thing that makes more impact than others, this would be it. Politicians don’t expect kids to pay attention to or care about politics. Those that do care aren’t expected to do anything about it. Those that do get involved aren’t expected to be able to express themselves coherently. I discovered that when a teenager takes the time to talk to their representatives, and does so in an educated manner, those representatives really listen.

I can’t vote, but I can make a difference! That’s something I’ve told myself over and over as I’ve tried to assess the value of my actions. I feel like I’ve had the biggest impact while volunteering through the Student Actions Teams. By the time election week comes, campaign staff are exhausted. When a group of energetic kids comes in and makes phone calls and does literature drops, it takes a lot of pressure off them. The work we do on the SAT is easy and therefore seems like it’s not a big deal, but it is a big deal to those we are helping. When you see a campaign manager filled with energizing gratitude for the work you’ve done, you know you’ve made a difference and you are greeted with the satisfaction that only comes from a job well done. Being involved in the SATs is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

From civics courses to volunteer work, Ben Rush has been a great experience. I’ve learned so much about what God can do through me when I allow myself to come out of my comfort zone. Being civically involved is so important, but it’s useless if you are simply going through the motions. You must have convictions driving you; you must know why you do what you do; and if it’s not ALL for the Glory of God, you are better off sitting at home apathetically.

My life might be too busy. =P

It's been ages since I've posted due to business. I feel like I've been going none-stop from one activity to another. I'm going to do my best to recap the last few months so this post may get long.

The summer was essentially uneventful until July 26th. For those who don't know, that was the day GenJ camp started. <3 So as to not fill this entire post with camp details (for it would take an entire post) I will make a separate post about my week at camp later. I'll just say here that if you're a GenJer and you've never been to camp, you should go next year. It was honestly the best week of my entire life.

The week following camp, soccer started. Now, as many of you know, I'm some-what of a klutz. Especially when it comes to sports so this being my first year of ever playing soccer, it's been VERY humbling/humiliating. Learn from my mistakes and don't try to start sports at 16. Start younger and save yourself a lot of humiliation. Aside from feeling like an idiot it's been a lot of fun. And a lot of work. Sometimes I feel like all I hear is "Melody, be more agressive!" See, when someone (esspeciall someone larger than myself) comes my way with the ball, rather than try to take the ball, I have a horrid tendencey to back away. Agression is something I really need to work on.

Shortly aftet soccer started, school followed suit. I was under the impression that during the first few weeks of this year, I'd get to study Machiavelli's, The Prince, and Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes. But it turned out I was sadly wrong. Instead I'm lerning about Machiavelli and Hobbes and the History surrounding their lives and leading them to write these works. So it's kind of disapointing. If I weren't so busy I'd do it on my own time. I'm excited about the next couple weeks of school though. I'll be studying the Magna Carta, Excerpts from the Petition of Rights (Addressed to King Charles), and the English Bill of Rights. It'll be awesome!!! I've always wanted to study the Magna Cara and the others are just bonuses. Don't worry, I'll most likely post my thoughts on all of them once I'm done. (I know, I know, I'm not supposed to get this excited about school. Shoot me! =P )

A little while after school started, Sign Language started. I'm taking the beginning sign language class at a local college. The prophesser is the daughter of deaf parents so since she grew up signing, she is definitely qualified to teach. But she has a tendencey to ramble on about past experiences and then we don't have time to get to things... like... homework(consisting of signing in front of the class) xD I've really liked sign language for about seven years(since John was born) so it's really exciting getting to learn from a real person(signs depected in books are often hard to decifer).

Teens for Liberty, the local GenJ club is really doing well. We just started in April and already we've gotten chances to be involved Last month we held a health care forum, inviting local doctors to come and speak about the effects the Health Care Bill will have on them and their patients. It was a great way to educate ourselves as a club, as well as educate the community.
This month we are going to speak with Nancy Michael, a state representative and hopefully give her a good inpression of homeschooling since we're pretty sure this could be her first time really encountering homeschoolers.
The club has a website now! It's brandnew so it pretty much doesn't have anything on it yet, but I'm excited about it anyway. I've been working on getting things together for it and hopefully it will soon have more on it.
I'm also working on getting more of the club interested in going on the VA Student Action Team.
If you've never been the president of a club, I encourage you to try it sometime. It's a huge growing experience. I never knew there could be so much behind the scenes stuff that must be done right in order for the stuff that shows to fall into place. It can be sressful at times, but it's stretching me and I love it, even if sometimes I do want to just pull my hair out. =P

On top of all this, I've started my first job. I'm working at Noble Romans and it's a lot of fun. Sometimes very stressful, like last night when the drain in the kitchen wouldn't drain and it smelled like a sewer and we couldn't wash any of the dishes. =P But I also just got trained on cash register yesterday so that was cool. I'm really excited about having a job because basically, this is a chance at possibly making college a reality. =)

So that's been my life... it actually sounds a lot less busy just writing it out than it feels doing all of that. Oh well, it's nice to FINALLY have a day when I'm not going anywhere so I can give my neglected blog some attention.

My birthday.....

Okay, for starters, I just want to thank all of you for all the prayer. Still feeling very inadequate and got all my insecurities, but overall, I'm doing a lot better. So thanks much!! =)

And, because I'm just weird like that, I'm posting a poem for by birthday (shall talk about my birthday afters) This is just something I wrote that is.... well, I guess about being a women of noble character. I have to admit I kinda think about the idea of marriage a lot so this just came from me wondering if I'll ever be ready to meet a man's needs. It's based on Proverbs 31



Lemuel spoke of the wife that's a jewel
In his words in that proverb filled book.
His mother taught him to not be a fool
When for a wife he did look.

A wife of noble character is hard to find
Her husband trusts her with everything
In her all kinds of value, God did bind
Like merchant ships, food from afar she will bring

She does not sleep as long as the sun
She cares for those in need
she never stops work when what's required is done
The snow of winter she doesn't heed.

Her reward come later in her life
When her children bless her name.
Because she's such a mother and wife
Her husband will do the same.

Her beauty might turn to wrinkles and gray,
But she's praised for the Lord has her fear
Her heart's grown more lovely, since her wedding day.
So her husband treasures her dear.

This is the woman Lemuel spoke of.
To become like her is my prayer
That I'd be so worthy of a husbands love
And have a heart so fair.



Okay, so it's pretty corny, but I actually wrote that back in either December or January and decided to post it for my birthday just because that's what I do. =P

But now that you've suffered through my cheesy poetry you can suffer through my birthday rant. =P

Today started out good. I woke up and was greeted with lots of smiles and hugs. I did some girly primping which I don't always do but felt like doing today..... so my hair actually looks okay today. =P Then I got the cutest pair of shoes from Esther and Abby and a very cute pair of earrings from Beky. Then today became sorta not-so-good. I had to start volleyball today and I've never played before and since I am so bad with sports I was totally dreading it. But I went because I didn't have a choice and made a total fool of myself. Basically, the only thought that went through my head the whole time was, "I'm the only tall person here that doesn't know what she's doing!" And now my arms and hands are totally bruised up. My mom said it looks like I'm a druggie because of the way I bruised. It doesn't look pretty.
I came home and went running with Esther (Yes, me! I went running. Stop staring at me in shock like that. You'd think the idea was preposterous. Okay fine, it kinda is.) But yeah, I've got this new plan to actually get skinny so I've started running. After running I ate a little breakfast(hardly counts as breakfast since it was like 12:30 by that point) Then not too long after that I went to lunch with my mom. (yes I know, that wont help me get skinny eating two meals within and hour and a half of each other.) Then I came home and Joel was home so he gave me his gift. It was Skillet's CD, Comatose! =D=D
Then Esther and I went to the mall because I decided since it's my "sweet 16" and on top of that, my golden birthday, I should go spend some of my birthday money at the Mall. I am in desperate need of some new jeans right now so that's what I went for. BUT, the Mall doesn't believe in girls who are 5' 10.5" with all their height in their legs. And on top of that, even if I decided to just wear my jeans WAY too short, unless I go to a granny store, I'm FAR too fat. I feel like I'm the only girl on the planet that doesn't wear size 5 or smaller.
Needless to say, I'm too fat and too tall. So my trip to the mall ended in me wanting to just die. On the way home I blared my new Skillet CD hoping that it would help. It didn't!
Right now I'm sitting here fighting back tears wishing for all the world I could STOP BEING A FREAK!!!!!! Why is it I have to be the person who gets stuck with freakish height? Why can't I be 5' 2" like every other girl on the planet? I know God had some reason for making me a freak, but why couldn't he include a store that sold long jeans in that plan? I've been laughed at for wearing "high waters" before.... little to people know that I buy pants that on most people would need at least six inches cut off to make them fit. I just want to be normal. The one stinking store in the mall that sells jeans at least close to long enough for me, I can't even afford to look into. I know it's wrong to ask God why, but I've been doing that for the past two hours now.

"my joy has been on holiday and my peace has almost passed away"

Satan is very intelligent. He has many ways of attacking us, but once he finds the most effective one, he uses it almost solely. After all, why bother with less effective tools right? He and I both know that my greatest weakness is my view of myself.

I've always been very much a klutz. This hinders me majorly is sports. Having always been tall, it only made sense that I would try basketball. I played in 4th and 5th grade. My 6+ inch height advantage meant nothing to the coaches. My position on the team was bench warmer, because, well, there's no way around it. I stunk! But I was young enough that it didn't bother me much.

Not too long after this we started getting together with some friends weekly to play soccer. I can't tell you how many hours one of them spent attempting to teach me how to control the ball. Did I ever get better? No way! It got to the point where I simply stood next to the goal so that 1) I'd be out of the way, and 2) whoever was on my team could bounce the ball off my feet into the goal so I could at least be dong something. At least in this instance it was just a few friends getting together and not an official team I was letting down with my clumsiness.

When I got to Junior high, youth group was... well, it was torture. Though I pretended not to, I grew to dread Wednesday night. Being homeschooled, I already fa ed an extra challenge in trying to fit in. Added to that was my lack of any fashion sense what-so-ever (sure I don't dress "fashionably" even now, but I do tend to dress acceptably) The most popular person in youth group was... I guess a two-way tie between my brother Will and Cheryl a *cough* friend of his. =P Do you know what it's like to be 11 years old trying desperately to belong and you are known simply as "Will's sister"? To be expected to uphold his reputation of intelligence and bible knowledge while knowing you will never succeed in doing so? I think junior high is where you begin to truly find yourself, and what I found was an unlikable, unintelligent, untalented nobody.

From that point on Satan has had a hay-day with me. Doing everything possible to build on my insecurities, he whispers lies to me, "Nobody likes you! You have no friends! You're so ugly! You're clothes make you so dorky! Then again, it doesn't matter what you wear, you'll always look terrible! You're a failure! You never succeed! You're a mistake! You're so dumb not even God loves you! You ruin everyone's lives! People would be so much better off if you had never been born!" and on and on.....

I've heard those things for so long, most the time I believe them with all my heart. I created for myself a mask back in junior high. I wore it faithfully, lest anyone see the real me. Covering my insecurities with a fake hyperness that many people believe to be me. But recently, I've begun to fall apart. I used to have depression come and go in phases. Now, I'm pretty much always depressed. I feel like such a failure that I never feel like doing anything since I know I wont succeed in anything I do. I find myself allowing my mind to just empty/blank out and I just stare at something not realizing what I'm doing. Usually only being brought back to reality when someone asks me what's wrong. I then snap out of it and do my best to smile and say, "nothing." I feel as though I'm in the way of everyone. I contemplate suicide a lot, feeling that it will put everyone else out of the misery of knowing me. But I am still here because somewhere in the back of my mind there remains the belief that somehow, some day, I'll come out of this.

I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual battle going on and I fear that Satan is winning. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I know that all of you have far better things to do with your time than reading the mostly incoherent thoughts of a dumb teenage girl. In fact, I highly doubt any of you would even waste time reading this far so it's pointless to continue, but if by chance you are still reading, I need a lot of prayer. One time a friend asked me why I have joy in my name and not in my spirit. Well, I haven't any answer. All I know is that I want it in my spirit. So if you are still reading, would you please please pray that God would remove my hatred for myself and replace it with His joy.

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace"

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

¹² You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:8-12

This past Thursday, when the doctors said that my little sister had little chance of living, and that if she did live, there was little chance she'd live without brain damage, a lot of emotions raged within me. I was angry: angry at our family doctor who diagnosed an ear infection and sent her home instead of finding the real problem and taking care of it before it got so bad; angry with God for letting this happen; and angry with myself for not being a better big sister while I had the chance. I was scared: scared that I'd lose my little sister; scared that I'd never forgive God; scared that my mom wouldn't be able to cope. I was jealous of my friends who had healthy little sisters. I was thankful: thankful to God for having a purpose even though I couldn't see it; thankful for all the friends that did their best to comfort me through everything.

When I was feeling all that, I was crying my eyes out. When I stopped crying, I felt nothing. It was as if I was floating in an expanse of nothingness without a single thing/person to comfort me. At times I felt almost unsure I was even alive. I felt nothing but emptiness. Then I'd begin to feel again and the tears would come back. Basically, I was a total wreck.

Those verses from Isaiah were perfect for me. A friend gave them to me and said she'd found them and thought they might help. It's amazing how God shows things to others and directs them to show them to you. He truly is an amazing God. He has a purpose in all that he does, though we may not see, it is perfect

Monday my older sister dressed Beka up, did her nails etc, and she looked so pretty! It was hard to believe how bad she'd looked just a few days before. The sparkle was back in her beautiful large brown eyes, her smile was back to it's bright infectious self. She just looked so alive and so gorgeous!

Beka is home now and doing great. Yesterday she was running around with neighbor kids just like before. You'd never know by looking at her that anything had happened to her except a bruise on her right arm.

She's not the normal kids she looks like though. She will be taking insulin shots for the rest of her life. She has to put up with 4+ finger pricks a day to test her blood sugar. She must be very careful about what she eats, knowing exactly how many carbohydrates are in her food so she can counteract it with insulin. She can't snack whenever she wants unless she wants that means more insulin shots. But she is still a beautiful daughter of the God Most High. He sustained her life when the doctors had little hope to offer. And He will continue to sustain her until He is ready to bring her home to Himself. All is in His hands and on that we rest.

So she's not a normal little kids anymore. She is a girl with a story, a testimony of what the Great God we serve is capable of doing. I pray that I will never forget what He did this past week and that it will ever remind me of why I strive to live my life wholly and solely for Him.

Just an update on my life

It's been ages since I posted and for that I apologize. I've been extremely busy this week and just haven't had time for blogging. But now I'm grabbing a few minutes to attend to my blog because I longer I wait, the more likely it is to just die on me. =P

Most of you who read this know already about my sister Beka, but for those who don't, I'll fill you in. Last week my whole family got sick with really bad colds. Most of us got over them in just a couple days but Beky didn't. She got sick on Friday and when Tuesday she was still really sick, my mom took her to the doctor. He diagnosed an ear infection and sent my mom home with a prescription saying that he can't do anything else until she's been on the prescription for over 24 hours. Wednesday Beky was doing WAY worse but we did as the doctor said and waited. One thing you should know is that Beka had been losing a LOT of weight so along with the prescription the doctor said we really needed to fatten her up(which we were already doing anyway technically). He said to give her lots of shakes, and fast food hamburgers/fries, things that people watching their wait tend to stay away from.

So, we were getting really worried about her because she was getting really weak but she didn't want to eat. She just wasn't in the mood for food I guess. So we made her lots of fruit shakes and put protein powder in them. And we gave her a lot of ice cream. We tried to get her to eat a hamburger Wednesday for lunch but she took two mouse-size bites and then said she was done. Meanwhile, we getting more and more worried about her because she is looking worse and worse with every passing minute.

Thursday morning she was so weak she couldn't even sit up on her own. My mom got the earliest appointment she could with our doctor and took her in. At this point I was in tears I was so worried. And the tears didn't stop. When the call came from my mom saying that Beka had diabetes and her blood sugar was 450(should be between 80 and 100) and they were taking her to the emergency room, I totally freaked out. Then another call: they were life-lining her to Riley hospital in Indianapolis because they were unable to stabilize her here in town. Panic began welling up in me. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever see my 9 year old sister again. And the doctors here at Riley didn't help with those feelings either. They pretty much made it sound like she was dying. And I think she was. I believe it's only through all the prayers lifted up for her that she is still alive right now. But because of all those prayers, she was moved out of the ICU late yesterday morning and is now doing wonderfully.

This weekend already had a busy schedule though. I was in a piano competition last month and won for my division so I went on to state. This Saturday was the state competition. Fortunately, it was here in Indy so I was able to go see Beka right afterward, but I still didn't focus as well as maybe I could have. I hadn't seen her since Thursday morning so I was rather anxious about getting to the hospital. On top of that, Joel and I had an orchestra concert last night. The conductor was none too pleased when he found out we'd be unable to make it to the concert. He yelled at me, then he yelled at my mom, then he yelled at my dad. I understand his frustration. It is very difficult to replace people at the last minute, especially principle flute with several solos. But I wish he could be more understanding of the fact that family comes first. So I'm still sorta stressing out about that whole thing.

But I'm very happy that Beka is doing so well. She is so ready to go home. She keeps asking when we get to go home. (I think she is really bored here =P) But she is being very brave about everything. Right now we are all going through diabetic training so we can take care of her when we bring her home so the doctors/nurses are having us do everything we can. Yesterday I gave my first shot. =P I was totally nervous about it, way more nervous than Beky who was taking the shot. I looked at that needle, then I looked at her arm, and I wasn't sure if I could make myself push the needle through her skin. But, I did. And it actually wasn't that bad. Poor Beka though, she has to have a minimum of four insulin shots a day. I also checked her blood sugar before dinner yesterday. That was a lot easier. All I did was prick her finger and then test the blood with a tester thingie.(yes, I'm terribly technical)

To sum all this up, I've been extremely busy this past week... well, less than a week I guess, but if feels like all this has taken a lot longer than it has. Long days + tons of worry + hospitals + crowded rooms = lots of stress and some irritablness for my whole family. Please continue to pray for us that God's peace will surround us during these last couple days here in Indy. We're all very tired and we've been snapping at each other a lot about the silliest little things. So we just need an extra measure of stength right now. Thanks to all of you that have been praying and will continue to pray.

Happy Mother's Day!

For you, Mama!

Today is for you because you're a mom
What mom means I will now make clear
It means that you sacrifice many things
For the children that you hold dear

You could have gone out and gotten a job
The career that you truly desired
But instead you stayed home to raise us kids
Though often you get real tired

Though you're not paid a grand salary
Your work is of value untold
You cook, you clean, and you do laundry too
While our math equations unfold

I'm not perfect I do things I don't mean
say things like, "I hate you" and such
The truth is without you, I'd be nothing
From you I've learned so very much

I regret times I've made you feel worthless
Like the life you chose was for not
It's in times like that, I've not used my brain
I spewed anger without a thought

I'm so very sorry for all those times
You truly mean the world to me
You are so special because you're a mom
Another like you will never be

Book Review

Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

As the title indicates, Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion & Purity discusses the reality of sexual passions under the lens of Biblical purity. Since the beginning of time, men and women have had sexual passions. Never does Elisabeth Elliot state that such passions are wrong. She believes them to be God-given and therefore a good thing. Rather than attacking the passions themselves as many skeptic readers would expect, she addresses the result of these passions.

In our "do what feels good" society, the words passion and purity do not belong together. If your sexual passions are stirred up, no one expects you to consider purity. You are expected to satisfy the appetite of your passions. This is the norm, not only for non-Christians, but also for many believers. Even for Christians who strive to keep their virginity, there is a disconnect. They see the point at which virginity is lost to be the moment you have had sex. Up to that point, you are free to act on your sexual drives with no consequence.

With this perspective, the line that can be approached but not crossed, people quickly lose sight of the original idea of virginity (that being the saving of your body for you future spouse). Instead it almost becomes a game. People go as far as they possibly can, no longer saving themselves. It is all for self-gratification. What they call "making love" does not involve love of any kind, for we know from the Bible that love is not selfish.

Throughout the book, Elisabeth Elliot describes her relationship with Jim Elliot. Two college kids, striving to stay pure while the burning desire for each other grew. But they both received a command from God: Wait! It was not that they were too young to marry. They were in fact quite ready (at least in the eyes of the world). But God had bigger plans. Though He did not reveal these plans to either Jim or Elisabeth, He was weaving them slowly in their lives. Elisabeth Howard in confusion, struggled to wait on God's timing. She knew He was in control, that He knew what He was doing, but still the questions of doubt rose in her mind. Wanting so much to be Jim Elliot's wife, yet not having any idea as to whether that would ever happen, she was forced to rely solely and wholly on God's grace, love, and mercy to sustain her each day.

Was this waiting period hard? Yes. Was it cruel of God to command this wait? No, on the contrary, it was out of love that he made them wait. He used the short term agony to grow them in their faith. Drawing them closer to their common goal (serving God with their all) they were better equip to face the struggles that accompany marriage. God uses such situations in all of our lives to grow us and prepare us for the future.

Elisabeth Elliot stresses the importance of putting your future in God's hands. Waiting with total dependence on Him is the first step towards controlling your passions with purity. The book is a real life example of the inner struggles of someone wanting to give their all to God, yet fighting the desire to plan their own life. This example shows us that it is possible for all of us to rely on God, trusting Him with our lives. This book is very much worth reading.

Public Meeting Summary (Ben Rush)

I haven't actually posted any of the stuff I've done for Ben Rush in awhile so I thought I'd post the summary I wrote yesterday. Not one of the better things I've written but, meh, whatever.

Present at the meeting were State Representatives Clyde Kersey and Vern Tincher and State Senators John Waterman and Timothy Skinner. They were asked to discuss the proposed budget for the years 2009 and 2010 for the state of Indiana.

All four legislators communicated great frustration that the budget plan they saw as sufficient for the coming two years was not passed. First blaming the Republicans for not properly supporting their budget proposal, they quickly changed the direction of the fingers they pointed, giving full blame over to Governor Mitch Daniels.

They said with a touch of disdain that the Governor did not approve the 2% increase to public school funding and the 1% increase to public university funding that they saw as important. He would like to see money taken from schools and placed in a “rainy-day” fund.

In the midst of an economic crisis, Daniels' desire to take about $84 million out of education and place it in a “rainy-day” fund is a wise one. But the Representatives and Senators at the meeting adamantly apposed this. Stating that education is the future of this nation, they see fit to pour more money into Indiana’s schools. However, they do not stand behind their claim that education is the future. Senator Skinner made it clear that, as a teacher at a public high school, he was greatly against alternative forms of education such as homeschooling or attending a private school. If education is truly their focus, would they be so opposed to alternative forms?

Throughout the entirety of the meeting, everything ultimately was brought back to public education. When discussing their annoyance with Governor Daniels for wanting to pull funding from education, they voiced fears that such a fund cut would force schools to lay off teachers adding to the unemployment rate. It was suggested that the fund cut could affect things other than teacher salaries. For example, extra curricular activities like sports. The response indicated that this was, in their minds, an impossibility. Saying that the taxpayers desire their children in sports and cutting sports funding would cause an uprising.

It is clear from the meeting as a whole that the budget they desire to create is not truly in the best interest of the people of Indiana. It is instead based on the wants of these politicians.

Meeting State Legislature

Yesterday was SO awesome! Two state representatives and two state senators were at the main branch of our library in the morning so I got to hear them talk about the budget they had been working on that didn't end up getting passed. They were all democrats so I wasn't surprised that I disagreed with them about lots of stuff they said. But I find it far more interesting to listen to people who I disagree with talk because it forces me to really think.
Afterward I asked all of them if I could take a picture with them(for Ben Rush purposes) and got to talk to them in the process. Three of the four were definitely uncomfortable talking to me since I'm just a kid. They took no time at all getting away to talk to the other people there(all of whom where over the age of 50). But one of the senators had no problem at all talking to me. =)
It turns out he's a high school teacher so that kind of explains it. The interesting thing was, though he was the most open to talking to me, he was also the most loud spoken against homeschooling. =P
When I ask him if I could take a picture with him "for a school project" (I really didn't feel like taking the time to explain GenJ and Ben Rush to him so yeah...) he asked me what school I go to. The moment the word homeschooled escaped my lips he sorta gave me a funny look. Then he made it very clear that he does not in any way support homeschooling. He said that parents take their kids out of school and claim to homeschool them but don't do anything with them. This annoyed me so I couldn't keep quiet about it. I explained to him that it is true that there are people like that, but they are the minority and they give all homeschoolers a bad name. He sorta nodded and then said something about homeschooling being good if the parents are actually intelligent but mostly it's a bad thing. Since I didn't figure I could change his mind I just redirected the conversation over the some of the stuff that had been discussed about the budget plans for public schools and we talked about that for quite awhile. My goal was to prove to him that homeschoolers ARE getting a good education. And I succeeded. At the end of our conversation, he said that he could tell my parents were doing a good job because I was very intelligent! That truly made my day. I succeeded in at least for a moment giving someone with a bit of power a good impression of homeschoolers.

Then I went home and wrote a "Public Meeting Summary" for Ben Rush. I'm beginning to think there is actually a chance I can finish all the Ben Rush requirements and get myself some college scholarship. It'll mean a VERY busy summer, but it's totally worth it.

Different

As I watch my little brother grow up, my heart is filled with agony. John is different from most kids. Having Down's Syndrome, he learns much slower. Concepts that to us seem extremely easy to understand, are far to difficult for him to grasp. On top of being slow, he looks different. You can tell by looking at him that he has some type of mental handicap. And this affects how people view him. Kids look at him and immediately shy away. And this is where the agony began for me. Watching him in settings where a somewhat large group of kids are thrown together to play is heart breaking. Why? Because none of the kids want to play with him. They exclude him from their games and even do their best to make sure he doesn't play with their toys whether they're using them or not. He used to not notice. But as he's grown older, he has grown aware of this and accepted the lack of acceptance. Now, when placed in a group of kids, he doesn't even try to break past the barrier that faces him. He finds something of interest, (usually a car of some sort) and goes off by himself and plays. He has accepted rejection.

I as the big sister just want to first go and slap all those kids that reject him and shake some sense into them, and then, when I'm done dealing out wrath, take John up in my arms and tell him how much I love him. So, as I was thinking about his today, my brain did its natural thing when I'm upset about something. It started writing poetry. =P This poem is in honor of John and all the people in the world that are rejected for being different.

Different

God, I know I'm different,
But I do not understand.
Why when other kids could run,
I could not even stand.

God, I know I'm different,
But why must they all stare?
All these judging looks,
Are painful and unfair.

God, I know I'm different,
'Cause you made me this way.
Did you make me a retard,
Like all those people say?

God, I know I'm different,
And I know I have your love.
But why don't others like me?
Why must they push and shove?

God, I know I'm different,
And I'd really like some friends.
But no one wants to play with me.
No accepting hand extends.

God, I know I'm different,
And my heart is nearly broke.
All I want is love,
But they just laugh and poke.

God, I know I'm different,
But why can they not see?
It was not just for them,
that you died upon a tree.

God, I know I'm different,
And I'll try to be content.
But why can't I be normal,
So no one will comment?

God, I know I'm different,
And Down's isn't bad.
But couldn't I be normal?
If I'd fit in I would be glad.

God, I know I'm different,
And I will now be still.
You made me who I am,
And you think I fit the bill.

God you made me different.
Unique in every way.
You think that I am beautiful,
So just this way I'll stay.

Dead or Alive: Why the Contrast?

Last night I went to my first concert; I went to see Skillet and Disciple. It was a ton of fun but I was struck by a couple things there.

Kevin Young, the lead singer for Disciple said, "I could just pray all night! Does that not rock?"
After the screaming and clapping had died down a bit he said, "But you guys came for music. So I'll shut up and play you some more."
I know it shouldn't surprise me really, but the screaming/cheering and clapping were twice as loud as it was when he said he could pray all night.
I mean, talk about putting on a show. All I could think was, "Yeah, sure you could pray all night. I'd love to see you try." The fact that he had to ask, "Does that not rock" was a sure sign that he would NEVER actually pray all night. He'd only talk about doing it to put on a holy appearance. And it worked. The audience fell for it... well, most of it anyway.

Near the beginning of the concert the audience was asked, "Who here loves Jesus?" When the screaming wasn't quite 'satisfactory' the question was asked again in a "I want you to be louder" way. One the third asking the place was just crazy loud with all the shouting and screaming. Okay great, so everyone there at least claims to love Jesus. But what does that mean to them? During the entire concert, I couldn't help looking around at everything (being my first concert I was a little curious). I got a little irritated at some points when I looked around. Several of those same people that had yelled their lungs out saying they love Jesus at the beginning were now headbanging. I mean, my brain hurt just watching them. And maybe I'm a little extreme, but somehow I just don't see how that is a sing of loving Jesus. Everyone knows that headbanging is NOT good for your brain. It does serious damage if done long and hard enough. And as Christians, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We are supposed to take care of our bodies, and that includes taking care of our brains.

Why can't Christians be different from non-Christians? It made me a tad uncomfortable. When everyone was told to get their cell phones out it was just plain... well, what on earth is the point? A guy a couple seats away got out his lighter and started waving it for a little while. And it was just weird.

WHY DO GUYS WHERE SKINNY JEANS?!?!?! They are so gross! I'm sorry, but there is only one way to describe how they look.... GAY! Sorry, but that is how they look. And if you claim to be a Christian, I don't see why you feel the need to dress like you're gay. I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover. But I just think God has called his Children to something more. Christian bands shouldn't need to dress like secular bands in order to be cool enough for Christians.

Okay, so my couple of things that struck me has turned into a few more than a couple. Sorry! I only have one more.

As I looked around at everyone at the concert I had a thought that just wouldn't go away. Everyone was way into the music. Jumping around, clapping, hands raised, some singing along, one word came to mind: Alive. Then suddenly the picture of a church service entered my mind; the pastor standing in the pulpit preaching. The 'alive' fans replaced by the bored church goers doing their utmost to not fall asleep. Some no longer fighting the drowsiness that overwhelms them, their eyelids slowly close and their heads slump back. A new word invaded my mind and erased everything else: Dead. What a contrast these to scenes are. In the church, there is a deadness, a disinterest. But enter a concert and you find yourself in the midst of electrified aliveness. Why such a contrast? Why do churches lack this enthusiasm?

The answer is very sad. And it can be summed up in two words: surface faith. Christianity is a surface thing. The majority of Christians wear their faith as a badge or a title. But they still cling to the things of the world. The things that capture their interest are worldly. Being Christian, they must uphold their title by doing Christian things such as listening to Christian music. But they really want secular music. It fascinates them and is like a magnet, for their week faith is not enough of a negative current to repel them. But they can't allow themselves to be drawn to secular things so what do they do? They must secularize Christian music. This satisfies their longing for the world but still allows them to wear the badge of Christianity.

But go to church? Church lacks the 'excitements' they hold dear. Their surface faith find no enjoyment in digging deep and discovering the wonders of God's Word. They are nothing more than babes, able to take nothing thicker than milk. They find this milk in the lyrics of christian music, but a church service (a good one anyway) fills their plate with meat that they are unable to digest. It is unable to keep their attention so they drift to sleep. They become 'dead', losing the 'aliveness' they have while at a rock concert.

Now I realize this all probably sounds a little ridiculous. You're probably thinking, "You don't know how to enjoy yourself properly at a concert if this kind of thinking is the result." or, "You just need to go to more concerts. You're still new at it and you need to get used to them." or more likely, "You're insane! How can you judge people so strongly? You need to loosen up and not be so legalistic."

So I just want to clarify. I DO enjoy listening to Christian music. The same music I just called spiritual milk. I am not saying it's a bad thing. Most of it is great and has some really good profound lyrics. What I am saying is that I feel that Christians need to rethink where they spend their energies. A church service should be filled with people just as alive as a concert. Not jumping around screaming. But alive. If we give so much attention to singers and their music, why can't we give at least that much attention and more to the preaching of God's word?